02 Oct 2012

Russian Mail Order Bride, Anyone?

She’s worth 15 Million!

This is one of the most unbelievable stories that I have to tell.  I’ve never had anyone rival the likes of a girl named Ashley.  She’s only the fourth person that I’ve ever talked to that has actually gotten a million dollar inheritance, won the lottery or come into millions from a lawsuit.  The latter is what we will be talking about in this story.  Ashley was a 23 year old girl with the worst set of teeth I’ve ever seen in my whole life.  And I’ve traveled a lot to other southern states; so that’s saying a lot!  I hate to be mean but I really need to paint the picture for you.  It was extremely unfortunate.

Ashley came to visit with me one afternoon with her new fiancé.  She was a very happy girl which was sort of unnerving considering that each smile rattled your soul and gave you the chills a little.  She was normal looking enough but obviously pregnant.  Immediately she took to me, telling me her name and that she and her fiancé were expecting a baby girl.  She loved my name and asked if it would be okay if they used it.  Which, I thought was a little strange after our first meeting but okay.  So we got past the pleasantries and we sat down in my office for the most revealing and unbelievable story I’ve ever heard.  Here are all of the things that Ashley told me during this initial meeting:

  1. I was in a car wreck where I was almost killed last year.
  2. In that car wreck, I hit the steering wheel and lost all of my teeth.
    (This made me feel especially badly for judging, but as you will read on, it soon passes.)
  3. I was pregnant during that car wreck and lost the baby.
  4. Because of how injured I was, I was awarded $15 million dollars in a court case.
  5. I’m about to receive $9 million of those dollars in the next month.
  6. I have two other children from another marriage.
  7. My ex-husband stole my other two children and I don’t know where they are.  We’re currently hunting him down so I can get my children back.
  8. I almost found them when I went to visit his parent’s house in Alabama and I accidentally lost control of my car and rammed it through his house.  During that incident, he got away and took the kids with him and I haven’t seen him since.
  9. I’m just lucky to be here because my mom is in the Russian Mafia.  She’s wanted in the United States for money laundering.
  10. My mom wanted me to have a better life than she could provide for me in Russia so she sold me as a Russian mail order bride to an American business man when I was 16.
  11. I stayed married to him until I was 19.  He was really nice and set me up with some money.
  12. Then I met my ex-husband and we had two kids together.  He went crazy and took my kids away from me.
  13. We want to buy two houses from you.  One for me and my fiancé and one for my mom to live in when she comes down from Russia.  (Yes. The one that is wanted in the United Statesfor Russian Mafia money laundering.)
  14. I hope that my current baby is okay, because I fell on my stomach at the airshow today.
  15. Oh, these bruises on my upper arm?  (accusing glance at fiancé) I fell on a boat dock.

After all that, it was such an unbelievable story that I had to believe it. Who could make anything like that up?

So, we wrote up two contracts for two houses that she was going to buy from me.  In the next weeks, she brought me bank account information that showed she was ready for the $9 million to go into it and with routing information from the bank to our company for the cost of the home.  Everything as crazy as it sounds, seemed like it was falling into place and it was one of the easiest sales I’ve ever made.  Although, easy sales tend to be too good to be true.  A little foreshadowing, maybe?

The closing date came and went for Miss Ashley. She came in and said that her lawyer assured her that the money would come in.  It was just caught up in the system.  So we set another close date.  That close date came and went.

Then she gave birth to a new baby girl.  The reason that I know is because I got a phone call one afternoon and a breathless, Ashley was on the phone and she wasn’t making any sense.  She sounded confused.  Through shallow breaths, she said, “I had…. the…. baby!”

I said, “Great! When did you have it?”

“About 15…… minutes ago. (Heavy breathing.)  They’re wheeling me ……back into my….. room.” She wheezed out.

“What?  What are you doing calling me?  You need to rest!” I said.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing but I actually heard the doctors and nurses talking to her as she was talking to me on the phone.

“I snuck…. my phone into the labor room….. so I could call you….. as soon as I had her.” She giggled maniacally.  “I named her after you.  (Big deep breath.)  I named her… Myka.” She said proudly.

I was really starting to feel weird.  I didn’t want to encourage this strange and unnatural relationship anymore.  I barely know this person and she’s calling me while she’s being wheeled back into her room after child birth and naming her daughter after me?  Oh God!  This is not happening!

I didn’t know what to say except.  “Wow.  Thank you.  Congratulations.  You need to rest.  I’ll talk to you later.” I said.

She had desperation in her voice when she said, “Okay.  Will you call me later?”

Whoa.  This is really headed down the wrong way.  “You just rest okay?” I said.

After that, I didn’t hear from her for about two weeks and I had to cancel her sales contracts because she wouldn’t answer any of my calls or any of the calls from the company I was working for as well.  One night, I was working late at the office and got a strange call from a man who said he was a lawyer that was representing Ashley in a current custody hearing.  I checked his credentials and looked up his company on the internet and he was on the up and up.  Unbelievably, here is what he told me!

  1. She was never in any car wreck.
  2. Since there was no car wreck, there was no loss of teeth.  She’s always had an unfortunate dental situation!
  3. Again, since there was no car wreck, there was no baby that was lost.  However, she had been pregnant before and tried to lose it herself by throwing herself down stairs and falling.
  4. There is no $15 million dollars that will be awarded to her.  In fact, there is a court case open right now but it’s against her.
  5. There was no $9 million dollars that was going to be immediately awarded to her.
  6. She doesn’t have two other children, she has five!
  7. Her ex-husband didn’t take her children from her, a court named her an indecent parent and awarded the kids to the father.
  8. When she visited her ex-husbands house in Alabama, she didn’t accidentally lose control of her car; she ran it through the living room, backed out and got away from the police.
  9. Her mom is not in the Russian Mafia.  She’s never even been to Russia or of Russian decent.  Her mom is from Alabama and has never been out of the state.
  10. Obviously if the above is true then she was not a mail order bride.  In fact, Ashley was born and raised in Alabama.
  11. She’s only been married once.  The older business man is a complete figment of her imagination.
  12. Again, her ex-husband took her kids away from her for being an indecent parent and a court of law found her legally incompetent.
  13. Obviously, she did not buy a house from me.  Turns out she does not have a dollar to her name.  She attached herself to her newest fiancé who does not know her past.
  14. She did fall on her stomach at the airshow, but she had a history of trying to lose her babies.
  15. The bruises on her arm were self inflicted.  Since she was 16, she’s always thrown herself down stairs, fallen down and twisted her arms to make bruises and blames other people for the attention.

You can imagine my shock and horror.  I was so mad at myself for believing all of those stories.  I felt like the biggest idiot!  It was all so crazy that I didn’t think anyone could make up anything as unreal as that.  To top all of this off, the reason that the lawyer called me is because Ashley had submitted into evidence, a letter “from me,” stating that I was Ashley’s employer.  It said that Ashley had been cleaning my house for a year and that I was paying her cash and that was how she was going to support her new baby.  The lawyer was trying to subpoena me to court to prove that Ashley had a job but I shot that lie down real quick.  That’s when he started to ask me questions and let me know the real truth.

I never heard from Ashley again but I assume her life is not what she imagined it would be.  I wish her the best, but I’ll never be able to forgive myself for being that gullible.  I have never since met anyone that was as sincerely and believably crazy as Ashley.  One thing I never understood is that if I was going to make up a bunch of crap about myself, I’d make it really good!  Not a Russian mail order bride!  What?  Come on!

Get your license for only $449. Payments plan available using promo code APR3060 during checkout!