06 Feb 2013

Why I Look Like A Deranged Ninja 363 Days of The Year

I have a debilitating fear that keeps me from effectively showing homes to my wonderful clients in the Spring and Summer. In Texas, it’s Spring and Summer all year with only two days of Winter. So, I’m deemed officially, an anxiety ridden agent with the propensity to pass out at any given moment for 363 days of the year. How, you may ask? It all started when I was 4 years old in Houma, Louisiana.

In the year 1978, I had the highest and worst fever I had ever had in my short little life. I remember all of the events as if they were moments ago in my mind. I was lying in my cute little bed, sick, coughing, burning up with fever. Suddenly, I heard a noise in the hallway. I looked over my toes, over the end of the bed and into the doorway. Something about two feet tall, white and fuzzy leaned into the doorway and looked at me. I was scared stiff! It had no face but looked like a spider web cocoon that was two feet tall and about a foot wide.

It waddled into the doorway where I could fully see it. It looked like the frosted side of a frosted mini wheat. I know. It’s stupid. But I was scared to death! Somehow, it climbed up the foot of my bed, crawled over my feet and stood on my legs rocking back and forth. I was paralyzed with fear. I couldn’t move, breathe or make a sound. Suddenly, it lunged at me and ran up my body and attached itself to my face!! Like in the movie Alien and I was Sigourney Weaver! I couldn’t breathe! All I could see was white webbing and it was sticky like a spider web. It was horrifying!

After struggling for what seemed like an eternity, I finally was able to scream out to my mom. When she came running in and sat by my side, it ran back down my body and out into the hall. She hadn’t seen it of course. I told her what had happened and she told me that I was hallucinating because of my fever. But the damage was done. I was forever deathly afraid of spider webs. Not the spiders. Just the spider webs.

Now, it still affects me the same way. In Spring and Summer, I walk around completely terrified because webs are just floating on the wind everywhere! If one wraps around me or touches me…I hit the ground, completely paralyzed! My husband thinks it’s hilarious and just laughs and points at me while I’m lying on the ground wrapped in soft, completely non-harmful silk. It’s my kryptonite.

Sometimes I tell my clients and sometime I don’t. Sometimes I have to tell my clients because as I’m walking around outside, I’ll duck, jump, run several feet around one, crawl on my knees to escape a floating web or simply lay down on the ground and wait for it to float past, all while whining and whimpering for it to please go away. Only when my clients are staring at me thinking I’ve completely lost my mind, do I then have to tell them my stupid fear. I look like a deranged ninja trying to steal a diamond that’s guarded by deadly lasers throughout the room. Except not as cool and stealthy…and not in as good of shape.

What are you afraid of?